these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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