The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
