hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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