dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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