I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
