I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
