his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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