i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
