If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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