Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We are all done wearing pants today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
