I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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