just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
