i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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