Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
