All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
