Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
