The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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