my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
