That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
