What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
