why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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