Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
