Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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