Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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