she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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