She is in my trunk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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