He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
