dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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