Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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