I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
