thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
