Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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