good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize