Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
