What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
