Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I CAN MOONWALK!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
