so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
