He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
