too bad you live with your parents still
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
