i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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