We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
