Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
