Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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