oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
