Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
