Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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