Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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