i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
