No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
