what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
