at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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