____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
