It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
